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growwild


Guest
Re: any jokes?
Date Posted: 14.38hrs on Fri 16 Feb 07
Nae offence intended to those happy fans.
-----------------


The moment Paul Hartley knocked back Rangers, see pic:

Attachments: frank.jpg (44kB)  
Jamizon


Guest
Re: any jokes?
Date Posted: 18.54hrs on Fri 16 Feb 07
Shameless!!!! grinning smileygrinning smileygrinning smiley

growwild


Guest
Re: any jokes?
Date Posted: 19.10hrs on Fri 16 Feb 07
What is the difference between God and a skier

God does not think he is a skier!

--------------------

A people carrier with five skiers runs off a cliff, and everybody dies. What's the worst thing?

A people carrier seats 7!

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A very popular scotsman dies in glasgow and his old widow wishes to tell all his friends at once so she goes to the newspaper and says
"I'd like tae place an obituary fur ma late husband" The man at the desk says "OK, how much money dae ye have?"
The old woman replies "5" to which the man says "You wont get many words for that but write something and we'll see if it's ok" so the old woman writes something and hands it over the counter and the man reads "Peter Reid, fae Parkheid, deid"
He feels guilty at the abruptness of the statement and encourages the old woman to write a few more things. The old woman ponders and then adds a few more words and hand the paper over the counter again. The man then reads "Peter Reid, fae Parkheid deid. Ford Escort for sale"

---------------------

A plane was shot down over Iraq and Saddam Hussain captured a Scotsman,an Englishman and an Australian. Saddam says "I'm not as cruel as George Bush says I am You will be given 50 lashes each but you can have whatever you want on your back"
The Australian goes first and asks for the finest Kangaroo hide there is to cover his back. This is granted and he receives the kangaroo hide before he receives 50 lashes. His back is all torn and bleeding but he survives.
The Englishman says "I will take it as it comes I will have nothing on my back and will be proud to bear the scars" he shouts defiantly"Stiff upper lip you know eh what" His wish is granted and he receives his 50 lashes, his back torn and bleeding, his ribs fractured and protruding, a terrible mess to behold.
"Now Jock It's your turn you have the same choice as the other two what would you like on your back" says Saddam.
Jock replies quickly and without hesitation "I'll have the Englishman"




alan


Posts: 10750
Joined: Nov 1994
Last Visited: 23:28
2nd Dec 2021
What's this?What's this?What's this?
Re: any jokes?
Date Posted: 21.17hrs on Fri 16 Feb 07
Quote:
Does anyone have NTL as their ISP at all? If so they may be able to relate to this letter of complaint:

Dear Cretins:


I remember authoring a letter entitled dear cretins to NTL tongue sticking out smiley

BigRed


Guest
Re: any jokes?
Date Posted: 21.24hrs on Fri 16 Feb 07
Is there any other way to start a letter to NThelL? smiling smiley

I remember that one disgruntled customer even set up a website just so people could complain about NTL. The site was called www.nthell.com
I have just checked and it has now gone - shame as it had some really good reading material on there.

liaml


Guest
Re: any jokes?
Date Posted: 22.33hrs on Fri 16 Feb 07
brilliant, where do you find all this stuff?

BigRed


Guest
Re: any jokes?
Date Posted: 10.23hrs on Sat 17 Feb 07
E-mails to me at work . . . very naughty as people got fired for it a few years ago but there is some good stuff grinning smileygrinning smiley

BigRed


Guest
Re: any jokes?
Date Posted: 14.22hrs on Wed 21 Mar 07
A lady walks into a BMW dealership. She browses around, spots the
top-of-the-line Beemer and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over
to feel the fine leather upholstery, she inadvertently breaks wind.
Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has
noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up
right now.
As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a
salesman standing right behind her.
Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman
greets the lady with, "Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?"
Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not have been
there at the time of her little 'accident', she asks, "Sir, what is the
price of this lovely vehicle?"
He answers, "Madam, if you farted just touching it, you're going to sh1t
yourself when I tell you the price."

grinning smileygrinning smiley


William


Guest
Re: any jokes?
Date Posted: 18.44hrs on Wed 21 Mar 07
What's a shitszu?
A zoo with no animals.


What's brown and runny?
Linford Christie

How many homosexuals does it take to put up a lightbulb?
One. But a whole emergency room to take it out.

BigRed


Guest
Re: any jokes?
Date Posted: 00.33hrs on Thu 22 Mar 07
grinning smileygrinning smileygrinning smileygrinning smiley

That last one was pretty hanging William!!

William


Guest
Re: any jokes?
Date Posted: 21.24hrs on Thu 24 May 07
Q) What's the similarity between Olivia Newton-John and Liverpool FC?

A) They both got fucked in Greece





Q) What's big, red and goes BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP?

A) Liverpool FCs open-topped bus reversing back into the garage

moffatross


Guest
Re: any jokes?
Date Posted: 22.58hrs on Thu 24 May 07
A young laddie moved into a flat of his own and went to the hallway to put his name on his letterbox. While there, an attractive girl came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing a dressing gown. The lad smiled at her and she started a conversation with him.
As they talked, her gown slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor boy broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's go to my my flat, I hear someone coming."
He followed her into her place; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her dressing gowm to fall off completely.
Now starkers, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?" Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears."
Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these tits; they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my bum is firm and solid. Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere. How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?"
Clearing his throat, he stammered .... "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming.... that was me !!!"

growwild


Guest
Re: any jokes?
Date Posted: 15.28hrs on Fri 25 May 07
Thats a cracker!!!

moffatross


Guest
Re: any jokes?
Date Posted: 18.50hrs on Fri 25 May 07
A 9 year old and a 6 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.
"You know what?," says the 9 year old, "I think it's about time we started swearing." The 6 year old nods his head.
"When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'll swear first, then you swear after me, ok?" The 6 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 9 year old what he wants for breakfast?
"Shit, I don't know Mum, I think I'll have some Coco Pops".
WHACK!!
He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor,gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out.
She looks at the 6 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do you want for breakfast, young man?"
"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your f***ing life It won't be Coco Pops"

rors


Guest
Re: any jokes?
Date Posted: 19.38hrs on Fri 25 May 07

here are some chav/ned jokes some are quiet entertainig lol


chav jokes
1. What do you call a chav in a box? Innit.
2. What do you call a chav in a filing cabinet? Sorted
3. What do you call a chav in a box with a lock on it? Safe.
4. What do you call an Eskimo chav? Innuinnit.
5. Why are Chavs like slinkies? They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs.
6. What do you call a Chavette in a white tracksuit? The bride.
7. You're in your car and you see a Chav on a bike, why should you try not to hit him? It might be your bike.
8. What's the difference between a Chav and a coconut? One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut.

9. What's the first question at a Chav quiz night? What you lookin' at?" 10. How do you get 100 Chavs into a phone box? Paint it bright yellow and stick a spoiler on it.

11. Two Chavs in a car without any music. Who's driving? The police
12. What do you call a chav with 9 GCSE's? A liar.
13. What do you say to a chav with a job? Can I have a big mac please?
14. What do you say to a chav in a suit? Will the defendant please stand 15. What do u call a knife in chaville? Exhibit A
16. Why is 3 chavs going over a cliff in a Nova a shame? A Nova seats 4
17. What do you call a 30 year old chavette? Granny.
18. How many chavs does it take to change a lightbulb? One, they'll screw anything.

19. What do you call 100 chavs at the bottom of a river? A start.
20. How many chavs does it take to clean a floor? None, "That's some uvver bleeders job innit."
21. Why did the chav take a shower? He didn't mean to, he just forgot to close the Nova's window in the car wash
22. Why did the Chav cross the road? To start a fight with a random stranger for no reason whatsoever.

23. What do you call a Chav at college? The cleaner.
24. A bus full of Chavs were driving through Wales. As they were approaching Llanfgogogferrinfourasoch they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one Chav asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?" - The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr-gerrrrrrr-Kiiiiing."

25. What's the most confusing day of the year for a Chav? Fathers Day!
26. How do you start an argument with a chav? Speak!
27. What do you call a chav in a tastfully decorated house? The burglar.
28. What do chavs use as protection during sex? A bus shelter
29.What do you call a chav with 2 GCSE's? A Cheat

31.Why did the Chav cross the road? To start a fight with a random stranger for no reason whatsoever
32.Whats the difference between a trampoline and a chav? You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline!
33.How do you stop a chav from drowning? Take your foot off their head!!

35.Whats the difference between a chav and a bucket of shite?The bucket
36.Two chavs jump off a cliff, who hits the ground first?? Who cares?
37.What's the difference between a Chav and a clown? The clown has a life

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